I watched “Confessions of a Shopaholic” the other night, I love that film, mostly because I can identify with the main character. She says so poignantly when asked why she shops, “because when I shop everything gets better, then it doesn’t, and I shop again.”.
This statement is so introspective, because I do the same. Shopping makes me feel, good, elated, excited, and then it goes away and I am left with the pain of regret, or the pain of being dishonest about how much I’ve spent. I go through ebbs and flows with my shopping. I can do great for a while, and not buy anything except groceries. My “winning streaks” of no shopping are more common than my “spending streaks”, but unfortunately my spending sprees are severely damaging. My addiction isn’t just cheap shoes, new jeans, or something for the house, it’s designer goods. Expensive jeans for my kids, new dresses for my daughter, designer handbags, leather boots, honestly listing them off makes me feel like vomiting. When I buy these things, the elation can last for days, but as it valley’s I feel like I need to do it again, because even though I spent $1100 dollars theres just a few more things that I NEED and then I will quit. “I got new leather boots and a jacket, but I need the Marc Jacobs handbag because it’s in mint green and I love mint green!” And so it goes, I talk myself into “needing” something and I shop again.
My husband is a natural saver, and I usually do the budgeting, and I love it. I love the “wins” when we pay off debt, save for something and pay cash, or even the “win” of having all the bills current and having enough left over to take the family to the movies. This is commonly how I feel. I just haven’t learned why it doesn’t last. I am a natural spender, so is there a way for me to “cure” this? Or do I need to instead “prepare” for the inevitable? Do I need to set aside money in every budget that can build up so that when I feel the need to go mad, its not as damaging to our financial state? Or is it simply that I have to learn how to squash the urge to shop? But would I tell my husband to squash his natural urge to save? If you are expecting answers unfortunately I am not introspective enough to give you any. I am just as confused as you are. To me the most logical answer would be to set money aside every payday and prepare for the inevitable shop, instead of it happening like an oncoming freight train.
The larger issue is, why do I buy expensive clothing, designer duds? Why can’t I just be content in gear from the local chain store? I have always been identified by my clothes. It started with my mom, now I am in no way blaming her, but I remember her closet being full of shoes, purses, nice clothes, and a jewellery box full of diamonds, and I couldn’t wait to be old enough to have things like her. And she would say things like, “I’m a doctor’s wife, I should look nice.” so in turn since I am a doctor’s daughter, should I dress smartly? Well I did. When I was a teenager I would spend my whole pay cheque on new clothes, and I even borrowed money from my parents to buy new clothes. I got into the whole pattern of borrowing money to buy clothes when I wasn’t even old enough to drive. And my outer appearance, was always important.
I do still feel outer appearance is important, and I teach my kids to brush their teeth, comb their hair, and wear clean clothes but this is a far cry from telling them to only wear certain labels. When I stop to think about what I am telling them, not by words but by actions, it frighten’s me. Sure it’s nice to be complimented on how fashionable I am, how nice my clothes are, and how put together I look, but wouldn’t it be nicer to receive a compliment of my character? Am I afraid that my character is so flawed, I need to dress the outer package up as a distraction to how ugly I am inside? People are too busy looking at the peacock’s pretty feathers to notice he is arrogant, jealous of the other peacock who has a nicer colour palette, and cruel to the hens that try to chose him as his mate?
I don’t think the answer to this is easy, but I do know that I face an ongoing battle, and it is important that I beat it, not to save myself but to save my children from the pain of decisions I have made, and the imperfection’s to my soul this has caused.
mrsmandaz 