If you have read any of my last posts, you would be aware of the fact that my son is being bullied at school. Thankfully, as of today it is being dealt with. I finally sat down with my sons teacher, made her aware of the problem, and also learned my son isn’t the only victim. I feel validated, and relief that it is going to be dealt with. One emotion I wasn’t expecting to feel was pity.
I was helper mom today and I got to see the teacher’s plan in action. She was keeping tabs on how many times she had to talk to him in order to discuss it with the boys’ mother. She had the boy sitting on his own because he had difficulty keeping his hands to himself, and that’s when I started to feel sad. This boy, looked so lonely and sad as he sat alone. Then pity creeped in, up to this point I had only been looking at him as the boy who constantly harassed my son. Today I got to see a more real picture of what/who he is, a lonely, sad, hurting boy. I should be clear that I am not accusing his parents of any wrong doing in their child rearing, but something is making this boy lash out at his peers. The moment I changed my opinion of him, I started to change. I no longer had the anger that I was feeling towards him for making my son miserable, but instead I could see him as just a boy.
This led me to more revelations. Maybe if we could start to change our feelings about our enemies, to what they really need (our empathy), than maybe we can start to forgive them and love them, and ultimately change ourselves. How much of a better person could I be if I only let go of the hurt and anger I carry around that was inflicted on me by someone else’s bullying? Imagine the freedom! So how do we start to love them? Personally I need to look at them the way I saw that boy. Something has made him the way he is, something that is terribly sad. I also think its important to recognize our bullies by what they really are, just people. Ordinary people like you and I, that have something ugly burdening them. By loving them I may not change them, but I will change myself.
So I encourage you, learn to start loving your enemies, if not for their sake, so it for yourself. From loving them will come healing for your soul.